We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
