he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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