i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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