I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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