return my video game
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
