Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
