do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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