Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What a dumb baby whore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
