I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're using joints as your birthday candles
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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