PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So squirting runs in the family.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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