R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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