I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
