I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
