you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
