in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
