The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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