i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
