It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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