I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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