she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
