I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
