i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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