So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
