"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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