is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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