I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
