Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
