my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
