her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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