i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
