i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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