Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
