I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
