took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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