if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
