im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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