dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
