how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
