Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
