remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
