the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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