I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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