I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
