just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
