my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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