Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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