I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You're earring is so big in my mouth
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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