If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
