Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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