Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it glows. i had to have it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
