just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
