In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's like iHOP with fire
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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