He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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