I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
