You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
