I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
