Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
