i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
