I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
