We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
