i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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