Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize