Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
