1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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