Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
