you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
